“Traumas do not sleep, even with death. But rather, continue to look for the fertile ground of resolution in the children of the following generation.”
— Mark Wolynn
“It takes enormous trust and courage to allow yourself to remember.”
— Bessel van der Kolk
“There is a strong tendency in families to try to hold on to things that are past – memories of both good and hurtful experiences. When members of a family group hold on to something that should be over, the past holds them captive and continues to work inappropriately in the present. Because the old then cannot fade away, the new has difficulty in establishing itself. It requires great discipline to extract yourself from such systemic entanglements, and to release everything that deserves to be finished. All members of a family group must let go of things, both positive and negative, as soon as their effect for good is past. ”
— Bert Hellinger
“Many families strive for innocence and are, for example, overly concerned with appearance and what others think of them. They hide, repress, or even eliminate anything that endangers their idea of innocence. In the effort to remain innocent, they engender their own guilt. They exclude certain family members and are ashamed of them. They push away any thought of them because their difficult lot in life raise anxiety and fear. Thinking about them causes pain. The family atrophies and isolates itself.
Peace in the family is not what is simple and comfortable. Those who desire peace and serve peace must confront difficulties, pain and guilt. They must find a place in their soul for each and every member of the family. They accept this challenge and the critical self-examination that leads to an acknowledgement and love of what is ‘other’ and of others, as equals.”
